i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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