FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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