When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm getting married
To pizza
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
