Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
