You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Rumble strips road head = magical
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
