I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
