So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
