that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
