it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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