apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
