My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
