So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My penis needs a shock collar
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
