I cockslap morals
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
