She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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