capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
