shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
