if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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