i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
