About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
