Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
