He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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