I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
It's like God shit irony all over that family
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Randomize
