i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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