I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
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