I didn't shave. On purpose
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
