Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
did you just send me my own nude
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
