thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
