Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Sorry about my life...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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