apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
