So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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