Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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