sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Apparently you make a good broom.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Randomize
