i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
