I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
