I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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