I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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