I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
