I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
