i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
