I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
