I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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