I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just puked most of my soul out..
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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