just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
