oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
