i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I will die if light touches me.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
