I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
