Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I wish you could order shots online.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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