You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
