i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
