Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
