I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
